A Declaration of Interdependence

"We're all in this together."

In my decade of working with women in recovery, each 4th of July triggered the impassioned composition of very personal declarations of independence.  Be it from booze, perfectionism, or worthlessness the desire for freedom was a uniting force.  At least once a year, almost every woman I worked with, would take her turn in standing in a place of power and telling us all how it was going to be.  Oh the glory that resounded from those decrees.

That work with women in recovery was the work of re-parenting.  Now, as I am knee deep in the work of first-go-around parenting I can see that as powerful as that declaration was - it was only half of the recipe to creating a sustainable sense of freedom.  Our unhealthy and dysfunctional choices erode our well-being as individuals as well as the well-being of our communal environment.  There is a power and strength that comes in declaring our independence that I can now see would be best invested into our commitment to interdependence.

As this week ticked toward the big 4th weekend and the island swelled to double and then triple our year round population, I struggled to find the right time to circle up as a family around this idea of interdependence *.  Metaphorically it was the perfect time and place - a small island uncomfortably bloated by a short term influx of visitors - yet our moment to ponder never seemed to present itself.  However, an epic bumper sticker did and it proved to be all we really needed.  It had a picture of the earth in all of her beauty as seen from space and it simply read, "We are all in this together."

This week I realized that an authentic sense of interdependence, like our miraculous children themselves, has to start small.  We are learning to be interdependent as a family and from that secure attachment we will radiate out.

Like Marge Piercy suggests in her poem "The Low Road"

It starts when you say We 

and you know who you mean, and each 

day you mean one more.

May our children be the "we" (the people) that grow up to make life-affirming choices in support of all beings. Like rays of the summer sun may they carry out the light of connection and commitment well after leaving our home.




* We did find time, however, to tap into the "power of story" regarding this topic of interdependence.  There is a great retelling of "Gecko's Complaint" in Linda Booth Sweeney's genius collection of "living stories about living systems" titled Connected Wisdom.